Newport Manners & Etiquette: When Harry Met Meghan, Best Secret Santa Gifts & A Son with Three Dads
Wednesday, December 06, 2017
Didi Lorillard, GoLocalWorcester Manners + Etiquette Expert
Harry met Meghan and they're a team! Stop looking for the best Secret Santa gifts, the etiquette of having three dads, and during the holidays how to answer why you don't want to bear children were all questions to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners this week
Curiously Outdated Manners and Etiquette of the British Royals
Q. Why does Prince Harry's wife-to-be, Meghan Markle, have to curtsy to baby Princess Charlotte, Prince William's daughter? There is something wrong with that picture. Charlotte is like two-years-old. Shouldn't Prince William or the queen give Meghan permission to treat the two-year-old as a toddler? Not good for the kid. No wonder the royals are so screwed up! SS, Raleigh, NC
A. I agree, there is a lot wrong with that etiquette.
At last, there will finally be royals who are real people. Harry and Meghan's first public appearance finds them at an AIDS event on World AIDS Day. Unlike Kate Middleton after her engagement, Meghan's not out shopping for her trousseau. Harry's two big charities are HIV/AIDS awareness and youth crime, both of which Meghan appears to understand and care about.
Harry met Meghan and that's it.
They're magnetic and very affectionate in public, unlike William and Kate on display after their engagement was announced. Meghan is charming, with a delightfully genuine smile. Leaning into him as she does she shows tender affection in her respect for him. The uncanny thing is the way Meghan shows great charm in public churning up memories of Princess Diana.
Harry and Meghan mirror one another's body language in the way they switch back and forth as to which is in control. Harry has never looked happier with a wide grinning smile on his face, he fully shows he's more than content in Meghan's presence.
For a better understanding of the depth of British protocol, watch Belle, a 2013 movie directed by Amma Asante. (View it online for free at 123moviesfree.ac/watch/belle).
The movie Belle is an 18th century biographical period drama based on the love affair of Dido Elizabeth Belle Lindsay, the mixed-race daughter of a British aristocrat, that paves the way for the abolishment of slavery in the British Empire through a court case. You think Meghan has a difficult time ahead! Belle was not allowed to dine with her father's family or their servants. She dined alone in a proper separate dining room.
Practical Top Very Best 2017 Secret Santa Gifts
Q. For approximately fifty dollars what should I give as a "Secret Santa" present to my administrative assistant, who also receives a Christmas bonus from the company? Lewis, Chicago
A. On my personal wish list, number one is the Tile Sport and Style Tracker, because they are louder and easier to hear compared with other trackers, and they stay paired to a phone at longer distances. Sturdy and waterproof, they are the latest in item-finding innovation for $25.-$35.
Second place, also online at thewirecutter.com, you'll find the absolute best choices in headphones. On my list (if I actually had one) would be the Jabra Move Wireless, for between $40-$60.
please leave space between the two Q&As
What to say when you are not having children?
Q. What I dread most about the holidays is fending off nosy relatives who feel compelled to warn me that, "The clock is ticking." I've never wanted to bear children. My husband and career are enough for me. What can I say that will close the door for good on these tedious inquiries? I'm seriously considering being sterilized, but there are stumbling blocks. Requirements such as waiting periods and psychological evaluations that are much like the abortion legislation impacting women who wish to terminate a pregnancy! Elizabeth, West Hartford, CT
A. You are not alone, research the growing "childfree movement" for support. In particular, on Reddit there is a forum that is "childfree-friendly."
It just isn't fair that it is far easier for a man to find a doctor to perform a vasectomy than one who will perform a tubal ligation, or even, if you qualify, for an endometrial ablation.
Answer: "I don't want to bring a baby into this world."
The topic of conversation can then quickly move forward to politics or climate change.
Three Dads and A Son
Q. Soon I'll be picking my step-son up at the airport to spend his Christmas vacation with his father, my husband, who left his mother for a gay man ten years ago. My hubby's ex married a man who has been an extremely good step-father. I've briefly met my step-son four times, but since he lives in Orange Country, CA, we rarely see him. Not that my husband hasn't tried.
When I greet my fourteen-year-old step-son in the airport baggage claim area, I'll want to hug him, but I don't know if that's appropriate.
We're also squeamish about whether my husband and I should sleep in different rooms? The second of our two bedrooms has twin beds. My husband won't be home from a board meeting in Dubai until late that night and I'm having to deal with this entry into fatherhood solo. The Third Dad, Manhattan
A. Hold back. Test the waters. Stretch out your arm first to shake hands. If your step-son is sporting a smile, genuinely warm and happy to see you, try the less intimate half-hug (where you reach one arm around his shoulders, rather than both arms -- as though you're posing for a photo).
- Then there's the bro-hug that is especially quick and physically reserved. The hug that made Obama so popular.
- Whichever, don't linger. Let go.
Make it all about your step-son's father to start. Say, "Your dad's been looking forward to your visit and is coming back late tonight, so you're going to have to hang out with me until he arrives."
Your step-son will be groggy from the flight and may become silent as a shy defense.
- You don't want to be overbearing.
- Make it clear that he and his dad will be sharing a room.
- During the course of his visit, facilitate having father and son spending blocks of time together alone.
- Don't let the worst outcome be that your step-son becomes depressed. A morose fourteen-year-old is hard to get to know.
Be yourself but observe his body language.
- If he touches his ears, he doesn't like what your saying.
- If he places his hands near his eyes, he doesn't like what he's seeing.
- If his hands are on his forehead, nose or chin, he's either contemplating his life or wondering where to the find the cookies and milk.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette for her forthcoming book at NewportManners.
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